Big City

genetic

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 07:55:59 GMT

there has always been something under my skin that brings me here every couple years mostly because i know no one i know still looks at this thing and if they do than this is for you

the worst and best times of my life are timelined on this journal i go through and read them sometimes i miss the pureness of the hatred and love expressed through my youth its been almost 10 years since i started this thing

orange soda
camel lights
pbr
jameson
punk rock
bad girlfriends
worse friends

these are the things that have made me the miserable ignorant and yet content person at this very moment that there ever was at this moment

i want nothing more than for you to leave right now

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:31:10 GMT

ever make some mistakes that are really hard to take back because of pride?
iv given these things a lot of thought and im tired of going from one to another..fuck that...
it just never stops for me, i fucking hate all this bullshit i hate girls i hate myself i hate the idea of dating anyone right now...and yet iv got someone laying next to me asleep i really dont know, this is depressing
it must seem pretty pathetic i dont even want to sleep with this person and they are all but naked, this is fucking killing me i hate who i am
i want to pack my shit up and split and leave this chic whats left
fuck it...thats exactly what imma do..what i do in everyother situation..give up when shit gets tough
fuck you
fuck the world
money over bitches
and all that other excesivly tattoed bullshit
fuck fuck fuck
im out of here fuck this place

please come and save me

iv given this a lot of thought

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:51:45 GMT

if you give someone time enough in a dark room to think about his life do you think that most people would believe that their live is actually going were they wanted it to go, because my answer would be no...

i hate so much it makes me think thats the only thing there is to do

there bloody well better be butter on the ship, or ill have your job,

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:57:37 GMT

so if i had to explain how strange this day has been i doubt you would even consider it possible
i hooked up my old computer from highschool lot of old pics it was pretty fun remising about all the old times....i cant sleep again, im glad i called out of work for tommrow, i cant stand it anymore....fuck it im quitting that shit ass fucking job fuck them

ugh, mom says i need to see a shrink, that im having a nervous breakdown cant decide whether she is right or not ill look into it but for now im just going to self medicate with ciggarettes and wiskey..as drunk as i am i still dont feel good...
but then i remember...alchohol is a depressant maby the reason i feel so much like shit right now is that im really fucked...mabyu nnot whatever.

ninja warrior

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 04:24:03 GMT

anyone watch that show?

busted some guys lip downtown the other day uneventfull evening..

im so fuckin bored right now some one save me..

so i downloaded this program on www.comicollectorlive.com that helps you organize your collection since i have like over 700 comix im not even close to being finished and realizing i could have paid off my credit if i hadnt decided to read daredevil alone...goddamn im a fucking nerd.

stoked about the new batman movie cant wait iron man too

balls.

there are demons and then there is you

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 06:15:37 GMT

half drunk after work stumble in my parents house wondering why im going through the motions thinking im going to sleep more sooner than later..
i love sergio leon no matter what my head is doing, he can make me feel like i have something better than anyone else. the good. the bad and all the ugly that i see every fucking goddamn day..
i need a vacation...i need a motherfucking vacation.

snallik hsiri der

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:45:35 GMT

on a long enough time line the survival rate goes to zero

whats all the hype about harry potter, there isnt one person i know not reading this except of course me...its fuckin wierd i even had someone just hand me the first book and say just read it. whatever

im so fuckin tired of not having anything to do on my days off.

i hate talking on the phone.

haha, damn

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 08:05:27 GMT

well assuming there is prob one person reading this...hows things?

now to let my drunk ass rant

i went to the bar..therefore..beer..fun...drunk..
stoped smokin for about 48 hours..haha beer happend now im on the quest for cancer again.fuck
been thinkin and drinkin tonight..not a usual accuance but it happens every now and again.. i was thinkin how much fun and how much i miss fighting motherfuckers for no reason i miss that release of anger on someone that i dont know mna its been like months since i just punched a fuckhead in the face to to long...
but maby that life is over for me short lived as it was it was fun..however stupid it was fun

cough cough fuck cigs are the devil

8 beers later...

yea, well life is good so far my dad has cancer and everyone seems to be going to the same hell as i am around me cept one person wich i love to death...good for you.

motorhead, still rules by the way.

i give up, sleep...the one thing i relish..goodnight

i will kill your children with my knife

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 07:58:17 GMT

bloody hell, what the fuck good goddamn...i hate this song so much..

fuck..so whats been going on..not a goddamn thing...havnt killed myself yet...really...couldnt tell...

your so pathetic you tic you horrible cunt of a person

yea well

your the one talking to your self..

hahahaha

what the fuck

stop searching google for things you know dont exist..

fine fine

bloody hell man pick up your gloves and work that fucking bag some more you havnt bled enough for me

fine fine

reverted to childhood..only thing can relate to..
collent usless trinkets, think of things of old...fuck me in the ass

your pathetic again

use your head it hasnt even started yet, you are a moron

fuck workin 12 hours a day...i hate italian people soo much i love them

just do it and get it over with...your such a pussy.

goddamn

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 07:31:52 GMT

im torn...in more confused now than ever...what should i do?
a girl broke up with me.no big deal right?
another girl calls me up...we hang out..starting to grow fealings, not sure whare its going..probably no whare..im not expecting much..
strange things from my past are coming into my head and tempt me..but no way...no way..or at least thats what i keep telling my self.

put a gun in my mouth and extract all these thoughts onto the wall behind me.

I'll totally ro-sham-bo you for yo 64

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 19:21:25 GMT

I'm not really sure why im still updating this thing i thought i was past this internet forum phase...but its so goddamn addictive.

well im flat broke..well more negetives at this point, but life goes on, im pretty sure ill pull out of it by the end of Jan. but im really fucking bored..i have not one goddamn thing to do, its so frustrating. every day im off feals like im just biding my time before i have to work.

anyway, life is boring right now, but not bad. so really i have nothing to complain about..

Its funny how things work out....im just glad your happy now...

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 18:12:03 GMT

I'd wanted to say a thousand things to you..but knew that they would come out wroung.
I'd wanted to give a million gifts to you but didnt ever think they were good enough.
I'd wished a billion times that i could take back the things i did.
But all aloung i knew...i knew that it would never ever be enough....

so life goes on huh. time to move on to bigger and better things...id like to think so...

but then theres doubt, anger, wanting, lust, and this ever lingering fealing that the only person i ever really wanted to know, i didnt...
fuck everyone else, fuck the world, fuck my friends, fuck my family...fuck me.....

But most of all, and most important FUCK YOU!!!

such is the essence of my life and the way i portray myself, this self-described wannabee tough guy..laugh all you want...its fine
but know this after you get done laughing, youll never ever have the guts to do it to my face...you may think about it..but youll always wonder in the back of your mind...is this guy for real? or is he just some fucking fony piece of shit like all the other guys i know?

And so I drown loved ones lost in alchohol..smoke cigarettes to steady my hand..and walk somewhare iv never been..get lost..just trying to forget this horrible scar i have in my chest..

I'd like to thank those of you who will never read this who told me what i should do with my life and the mistakes i have made...thanks for sticking by me even though you didnt agree with my actions...true friends are the ones willing to to kick you in the jewels and help you to your feet.

as the sun sets it rises again....everyday seems the same, nothing ever new will ever happen again.

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Fri, 02 Sep 2005 20:48:47 GMT

I havnt updated this thing in about a year or so. I used to update it out of boredom or frustration, but i started this journal for a person. Now that, person is out of my life.. it seems as thought i am drawing closer and closer to find out what exactly im good for in life
nothing what so ever.....
i have no direction, no goal, no wants, and really no cares at all.. i have nothing...and its pretty dull.
i live the same day out over and over, its like that movie groundhog day. im trapped in this cycle of boring minycal bullshit..
i try to do one spontaneous thing a day, so that i can remember that there was a yesturday. yesturday i went to a park at around 2:30am and layed on the hood of my car drank beer and smoked cigarettes. and watched for a shooting star i did this until about daylight, i got pretty drunk and had counted 3 shooting stars before the twilight of morning came up. 3 wishes..i have only used one so far, im sure ill need the other two shortly after the first one comes true. today, im kind of puzzled as to what spontaneous to do. because i dont work today...well if anyone cares to give me a call, im sure hearing from someone who actually read this crap would be spontaneous enough for the rest of the day considering who might actually read this dusty thing.....
(336)655-7766

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Wed, 07 Jul 2004 01:08:27 GMT

memo

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Fri, 28 May 2004 06:10:24 GMT

i wish rachael was here............

ok...so its been a while.

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Thu, 13 May 2004 07:10:12 GMT

ok so long story short i got a job...went to prom...need sleep...nothing much else..

except

I LOVE YOU RACHIE!!!!

oh yea, and im getting the crimson gost tatt sometime next week.

look out honey, cause their usin technology!!

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Tue, 09 Mar 2004 04:35:36 GMT

iggy i know i can always count on you to tell me the truth!!

day 1

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Mon, 01 Mar 2004 03:41:12 GMT

So today i did everthing i could thing of to keep my head clear. but it was all done in futility. i did however wash my moms car and cleaned mine out.

what id really love to talk about right now, is rachael.

We have been through prob, the most turbulent relationship that i know of..you name it we have lived through it. so what changes things? how is it that two people this much in love can just stop for any reason? why does it have to hurt this much to let go of it? i knew it wouldnt be easy but this...man i can say this takes the cake out of my parents splitting up and having to watch my great grandma die, this is the worst pain i have ever been in...
i want to send a message to this brandon guy. thanks for helping to fuck up the best thing in my life, my advice to you is to never ever show your face around me, you have helped ruin the only thing that i looked forward to in life and although i dont know you personally i hold the deepest resentment for you....you fucked with the one rule that most self respecting guys dont go near...YOU DONT FUCK AROUND WITH SOMEONE ELSES GIRL!!!!!!! since its very apparent that you have no integrity at all...i dont feal bad calling you a complete son of a bitch.

i have not one ounce of compasion left in my body, except for those that i can trust..or those with any honor. i know this seems like a please feal sorry for me plee but its not, its mostly a way to vent all this shit i have going on in my head and in a way that i know that my friends or otherwise will be able to see how i am truly fealing without haveing to hear im so sorry for you...i dont want your pitty. because there is nothing to morn for me.

for all of those who doubted me and rachael, or really have anything to say negetive or otherwise...please keep it to yourself from now on, i apreciate you voicing your opinion but i truly could care less what you think about this situation, it is for me and rachael to deal with and for no one else to concern themselvs in..so i dont want any usless heckling or trying to hurt her or any of her friend in any way...or you will answer to me, and i mean that for friends and anyone else, i wont fucking put up with people badmouthing her anymore, you want a bloody nose then you go ahead and post shit on the internet or talk about it to my face...i dare you. just leave the subj of me and her alone. this is all that i have left to say about it...goodbye

preciate it.

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 06:46:56 GMT

george bought me a pogues record and it still stand that i will give him a handjob for it.

thank you everyone for being there for me in my time of need, andy, aaron, brenna, george, tyler, and even alex...you guys are my heart and soul and i would do anything for you.

please world let me find a job, so that i can get enough money to move out of my house and away from stressing my parents out.

Giiirlll you got what i neeeeeeeed...but you said hes just a friend!

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 16:08:07 GMT

yesturday was an extreamly bad day as some of you already know...but nothing compared to today. me and my mom are on good terms and everything, but my girlfriend and i are not together anymore...nothing new i know...but i doubt very seriously that we will get back together this time. i just hope shes happy with that other guy..

anyway, today i have some responsiblities to think about and not some girl that fucked me over..i have to find a job soon or esle i lose my car..and i really cant have that happen.

if anyone wants to hang out tonight please give me a call!

just remember me the way i was before you stopped believing

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Tue, 24 Feb 2004 05:51:37 GMT

So i wish i could say life is going as planned..but i would be a horrible liar. Now i could say that everything is fine and just not complain about how i cant seem to achieve anything worth while...but that would just be to easy and defeat the purpose of these journals. I could just leave the post below this one up to make it seem that life is grand and that nothing is wroung..but im tired of seeing life for what it isnt, its my turn to complain.

but please someone take the beer out of my hand and the cigarette out of my mouth, and that stupid hole song that is forever burned into every bad memory i have....let me wake up from this nightmare!
I wish i could say that this was a drunken stupor..but this time no matter how many pills i take no matter how much jack i drink i just cant be content...maby its gone to far, but who am i to judge..my ear phones are blaring something so loud its hard to understand the words...i feel like a walstreet guy who has just fucked over about a billion dollars and has nothing to show for years of work and selling his soul...for what? i sold my soul a long time ago to something that ended as easily as it started..wish i could say that i didnt have a good time because that would make it easier to forget, but i would be lying of course i had a good time....i sat in the rain tonight and smoked all the cigarettes i had one after another......my emotions are completely drained...
ok im done goodnight.

I LOVE YOU RACHAEL CLARKE

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Sat, 14 Feb 2004 07:19:57 GMT

Hey sweety HAPPY VALENTINES..........i hope you are fealing better, call me when you wake up!

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUI LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!

did i mention that you are the most wonderful girl in the world? well in case i didnt

YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!YOU ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!

how about beautiful?

YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!

smooches..

wish you were here

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Mon, 09 Feb 2004 04:14:26 GMT

for now im just trying to keep sane, the hardest part of being in love is not being with the one you love...

anyway, the casualties are playing and im looking forward to that show...anyone need a ride and is willing to pitch in a little for gas im willing.

whever im down i can rely on rock and roll to pick me up:
new bomb turks-automatic teller
misfits-skulls
rolling stones-miss you
iggy and the stooges-cock in my pocket
janis joplin-kosmic blues
fugazi-break

"I've been holding out so long
I've been sleeping all alone
Lord I miss you
I've been hanging on the phone
I've been sleeping all alone
I want to kiss you "

RACHAEL IS STILL MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Sun, 08 Feb 2004 08:44:09 GMT

I can't really express what i have gone through today.....its hard to put into words. All i can really say is that you know that you truly love someone when you stand in the cold crying and pleading with them to stay with you.

I Love Rachael Clarke.

there is no disputing that and no changing of my mind.
i can and always will be with her....no matter what.....

so i ask this favor of you world.

STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP!

its ours goddamnit and im willing to fight to whatever lengths to keep it that way!
stay out of our business and our lives...let us be who we are so that we can continue this beautiful thing we have going for us.
if you know me...or you just know rachael better yet if you know us both.. then you know how much we care for one another even through our fights and even the happiness. i plan to be with this women for the rest of my natural being....

so please leave us be...we dont need you!!!

and a note to all the fellas that are in love with my girlfriend...if you read this. understand where i am coming from and put yourself in my shoes.....would you want some guy telling her that they love her and flirting all day with your girlfriend? would you be as nice as i was? i seriously doubt it...just consider it next time you put the moves on my girl. know that there is an incredibly willing person on the other side, that will make sure your life is a living hell if you hurt her.

To Rach:
Rachael I know that we have gone through more than our fair share of hard times. I also know that im not the most fantastic boy in the world, but i will try my best and do whatever i can for as long as i live to make you happy...you are the world to me. Losing you would be losing the only real thing i hold dear in this world and know that I Love You with all my being... and that when im not with you i dont feal hole. i would give anything for you to be by my side for the rest of my life and im willing to work through any problems that come to face us.....I sware on my life and yours that i will never leave you...you made that same promise to me and made my dreams come into reality. you are absolutly beautiful in everything that you do or say. I LOVE YOU TRULY!

eat at oki dogs

goonzofhazard@hotmail.com — Mon, 02 Feb 2004 05:08:19 GMT

All this and More
-DEAD BOYS

Can I describe what its like to have sex with you night long
And would you feel right if I did you tonight and put the bite on

All this and more little girl
How about on the floor little girl
No time to implore you girl
I’m just a dead boy
You know that I’m just a dead boy
I wanna be your dead boy
I’ll die for you
If you want me to

Got a feeling in my knees
That tells me degrees
I been loved long
You got ideas in your head
That tell me all about you
Been shoved on

All this and more little girl
How about on the floor little girl
No time to implore you girl
I’m just a dead boy
You know that I’m just a dead boy
I’ll die for you
If you want me too
Lookout

A teenage feeling
Rocking and reeling
Now we’re doing alright
You’ve got that look in your eye
And your thumb’s at my fly
You feel so down tonight

All this and more little girl
How about on the floor little girl
No time to implore you girl
Cause I’m just a dead boy
You know that I’m just a dead boy
I’ll die for you tonight