| i want nothing more than for you to leave right now |
[Nov. 19th, 2008|04:25 am] |
ever make some mistakes that are really hard to take back because of pride?
iv given these things a lot of thought and im tired of going from one to another..fuck that...
it just never stops for me, i fucking hate all this bullshit i hate girls i hate myself i hate the idea of dating anyone right now...and yet iv got someone laying next to me asleep i really dont know, this is depressing
it must seem pretty pathetic i dont even want to sleep with this person and they are all but naked, this is fucking killing me i hate who i am
i want to pack my shit up and split and leave this chic whats left
fuck it...thats exactly what imma do..what i do in everyother situation..give up when shit gets tough
fuck you
fuck the world
money over bitches
and all that other excesivly tattoed bullshit
fuck fuck fuck
im out of here fuck this place
please come and save me |
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| iv given this a lot of thought |
[Oct. 6th, 2008|07:47 pm] |
if you give someone time enough in a dark room to think about his life do you think that most people would believe that their live is actually going were they wanted it to go, because my answer would be no...
i hate so much it makes me think thats the only thing there is to do |
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| there bloody well better be butter on the ship, or ill have your job, |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|05:52 am] |
| [ | crank? |
| |  bitchy | ] |
so if i had to explain how strange this day has been i doubt you would even consider it possible
i hooked up my old computer from highschool lot of old pics it was pretty fun remising about all the old times....i cant sleep again, im glad i called out of work for tommrow, i cant stand it anymore....fuck it im quitting that shit ass fucking job fuck them
ugh, mom says i need to see a shrink, that im having a nervous breakdown cant decide whether she is right or not ill look into it but for now im just going to self medicate with ciggarettes and wiskey..as drunk as i am i still dont feel good...
but then i remember...alchohol is a depressant maby the reason i feel so much like shit right now is that im really fucked...mabyu nnot whatever. |
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| ninja warrior |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|12:15 am] |
| [ | crank? |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | ears? |
| | ducky boys | ] |
anyone watch that show?
busted some guys lip downtown the other day uneventfull evening..
im so fuckin bored right now some one save me..
so i downloaded this program on www.comicollectorlive.com that helps you organize your collection since i have like over 700 comix im not even close to being finished and realizing i could have paid off my credit if i hadnt decided to read daredevil alone...goddamn im a fucking nerd.
stoked about the new batman movie cant wait iron man too
balls. |
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| there are demons and then there is you |
[Jul. 28th, 2007|02:12 am] |
| [ | crank? |
| |  drained | ] |
half drunk after work stumble in my parents house wondering why im going through the motions thinking im going to sleep more sooner than later..
i love sergio leon no matter what my head is doing, he can make me feel like i have something better than anyone else. the good. the bad and all the ugly that i see every fucking goddamn day..
i need a vacation...i need a motherfucking vacation. |
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| snallik hsiri der |
[Jul. 24th, 2007|03:37 am] |
| [ | crank? |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | ears? |
| | outkast-goose | ] |
on a long enough time line the survival rate goes to zero
whats all the hype about harry potter, there isnt one person i know not reading this except of course me...its fuckin wierd i even had someone just hand me the first book and say just read it. whatever
im so fuckin tired of not having anything to do on my days off.
i hate talking on the phone. |
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| haha, damn |
[Jul. 20th, 2007|03:54 am] |
well assuming there is prob one person reading this...hows things?
now to let my drunk ass rant
i went to the bar..therefore..beer..fun...drunk..
stoped smokin for about 48 hours..haha beer happend now im on the quest for cancer again.fuck
been thinkin and drinkin tonight..not a usual accuance but it happens every now and again.. i was thinkin how much fun and how much i miss fighting motherfuckers for no reason i miss that release of anger on someone that i dont know mna its been like months since i just punched a fuckhead in the face to to long...
but maby that life is over for me short lived as it was it was fun..however stupid it was fun
cough cough fuck cigs are the devil
8 beers later...
yea, well life is good so far my dad has cancer and everyone seems to be going to the same hell as i am around me cept one person wich i love to death...good for you.
motorhead, still rules by the way.
i give up, sleep...the one thing i relish..goodnight |
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| i will kill your children with my knife |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|03:50 am] |
| [ | ears? |
| | misfits-london dungeon | ] |
bloody hell, what the fuck good goddamn...i hate this song so much..
fuck..so whats been going on..not a goddamn thing...havnt killed myself yet...really...couldnt tell...
your so pathetic you tic you horrible cunt of a person
yea well
your the one talking to your self..
hahahaha
what the fuck
stop searching google for things you know dont exist..
fine fine
bloody hell man pick up your gloves and work that fucking bag some more you havnt bled enough for me
fine fine
reverted to childhood..only thing can relate to..
collent usless trinkets, think of things of old...fuck me in the ass
your pathetic again
use your head it hasnt even started yet, you are a moron
fuck workin 12 hours a day...i hate italian people soo much i love them
just do it and get it over with...your such a pussy. |
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| goddamn |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|03:27 am] |
im torn...in more confused now than ever...what should i do?
a girl broke up with me.no big deal right?
another girl calls me up...we hang out..starting to grow fealings, not sure whare its going..probably no whare..im not expecting much..
strange things from my past are coming into my head and tempt me..but no way...no way..or at least thats what i keep telling my self.
put a gun in my mouth and extract all these thoughts onto the wall behind me. |
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| I'll totally ro-sham-bo you for yo 64 |
[Nov. 12th, 2005|01:55 pm] |
I'm not really sure why im still updating this thing i thought i was past this internet forum phase...but its so goddamn addictive.
well im flat broke..well more negetives at this point, but life goes on, im pretty sure ill pull out of it by the end of Jan. but im really fucking bored..i have not one goddamn thing to do, its so frustrating. every day im off feals like im just biding my time before i have to work.
anyway, life is boring right now, but not bad. so really i have nothing to complain about.. |
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| Its funny how things work out....im just glad your happy now... |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
I'd wanted to say a thousand things to you..but knew that they would come out wroung.
I'd wanted to give a million gifts to you but didnt ever think they were good enough.
I'd wished a billion times that i could take back the things i did.
But all aloung i knew...i knew that it would never ever be enough....
so life goes on huh. time to move on to bigger and better things...id like to think so...
but then theres doubt, anger, wanting, lust, and this ever lingering fealing that the only person i ever really wanted to know, i didnt...
fuck everyone else, fuck the world, fuck my friends, fuck my family...fuck me.....
But most of all, and most important FUCK YOU!!!
such is the essence of my life and the way i portray myself, this self-described wannabee tough guy..laugh all you want...its fine
but know this after you get done laughing, youll never ever have the guts to do it to my face...you may think about it..but youll always wonder in the back of your mind...is this guy for real? or is he just some fucking fony piece of shit like all the other guys i know?
And so I drown loved ones lost in alchohol..smoke cigarettes to steady my hand..and walk somewhare iv never been..get lost..just trying to forget this horrible scar i have in my chest..
I'd like to thank those of you who will never read this who told me what i should do with my life and the mistakes i have made...thanks for sticking by me even though you didnt agree with my actions...true friends are the ones willing to to kick you in the jewels and help you to your feet. |
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| as the sun sets it rises again....everyday seems the same, nothing ever new will ever happen again. |
[Sep. 2nd, 2005|04:31 pm] |
I havnt updated this thing in about a year or so. I used to update it out of boredom or frustration, but i started this journal for a person. Now that, person is out of my life.. it seems as thought i am drawing closer and closer to find out what exactly im good for in life
nothing what so ever.....
i have no direction, no goal, no wants, and really no cares at all.. i have nothing...and its pretty dull.
i live the same day out over and over, its like that movie groundhog day. im trapped in this cycle of boring minycal bullshit..
i try to do one spontaneous thing a day, so that i can remember that there was a yesturday. yesturday i went to a park at around 2:30am and layed on the hood of my car drank beer and smoked cigarettes. and watched for a shooting star i did this until about daylight, i got pretty drunk and had counted 3 shooting stars before the twilight of morning came up. 3 wishes..i have only used one so far, im sure ill need the other two shortly after the first one comes true. today, im kind of puzzled as to what spontaneous to do. because i dont work today...well if anyone cares to give me a call, im sure hearing from someone who actually read this crap would be spontaneous enough for the rest of the day considering who might actually read this dusty thing.....
(336)655-7766 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|08:50 pm] |
| [ | ears? |
| | gg allin - cheri love affair | ] |
 |
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| memo |
[May. 28th, 2004|02:10 am] |
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i wish rachael was here............ |
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| ok...so its been a while. |
[May. 13th, 2004|03:07 am] |
ok so long story short i got a job...went to prom...need sleep...nothing much else..
except
I LOVE YOU RACHIE!!!!
oh yea, and im getting the crimson gost tatt sometime next week. |
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| day 1 |
[Feb. 29th, 2004|10:41 pm] |
So today i did everthing i could thing of to keep my head clear. but it was all done in futility. i did however wash my moms car and cleaned mine out.
what id really love to talk about right now, is rachael.
We have been through prob, the most turbulent relationship that i know of..you name it we have lived through it. so what changes things? how is it that two people this much in love can just stop for any reason? why does it have to hurt this much to let go of it? i knew it wouldnt be easy but this...man i can say this takes the cake out of my parents splitting up and having to watch my great grandma die, this is the worst pain i have ever been in...
i want to send a message to this brandon guy. thanks for helping to fuck up the best thing in my life, my advice to you is to never ever show your face around me, you have helped ruin the only thing that i looked forward to in life and although i dont know you personally i hold the deepest resentment for you....you fucked with the one rule that most self respecting guys dont go near...YOU DONT FUCK AROUND WITH SOMEONE ELSES GIRL!!!!!!! since its very apparent that you have no integrity at all...i dont feal bad calling you a complete son of a bitch.
i have not one ounce of compasion left in my body, except for those that i can trust..or those with any honor. i know this seems like a please feal sorry for me plee but its not, its mostly a way to vent all this shit i have going on in my head and in a way that i know that my friends or otherwise will be able to see how i am truly fealing without haveing to hear im so sorry for you...i dont want your pitty. because there is nothing to morn for me.
for all of those who doubted me and rachael, or really have anything to say negetive or otherwise...please keep it to yourself from now on, i apreciate you voicing your opinion but i truly could care less what you think about this situation, it is for me and rachael to deal with and for no one else to concern themselvs in..so i dont want any usless heckling or trying to hurt her or any of her friend in any way...or you will answer to me, and i mean that for friends and anyone else, i wont fucking put up with people badmouthing her anymore, you want a bloody nose then you go ahead and post shit on the internet or talk about it to my face...i dare you. just leave the subj of me and her alone. this is all that i have left to say about it...goodbye |
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| preciate it. |
[Feb. 29th, 2004|01:46 am] |
george bought me a pogues record and it still stand that i will give him a handjob for it.
thank you everyone for being there for me in my time of need, andy, aaron, brenna, george, tyler, and even alex...you guys are my heart and soul and i would do anything for you.
please world let me find a job, so that i can get enough money to move out of my house and away from stressing my parents out. |
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| Giiirlll you got what i neeeeeeeed...but you said hes just a friend! |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|11:02 am] |
yesturday was an extreamly bad day as some of you already know...but nothing compared to today. me and my mom are on good terms and everything, but my girlfriend and i are not together anymore...nothing new i know...but i doubt very seriously that we will get back together this time. i just hope shes happy with that other guy..
anyway, today i have some responsiblities to think about and not some girl that fucked me over..i have to find a job soon or esle i lose my car..and i really cant have that happen.
if anyone wants to hang out tonight please give me a call! |
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| just remember me the way i was before you stopped believing |
[Feb. 24th, 2004|12:40 am] |
So i wish i could say life is going as planned..but i would be a horrible liar. Now i could say that everything is fine and just not complain about how i cant seem to achieve anything worth while...but that would just be to easy and defeat the purpose of these journals. I could just leave the post below this one up to make it seem that life is grand and that nothing is wroung..but im tired of seeing life for what it isnt, its my turn to complain.
but please someone take the beer out of my hand and the cigarette out of my mouth, and that stupid hole song that is forever burned into every bad memory i have....let me wake up from this nightmare!
I wish i could say that this was a drunken stupor..but this time no matter how many pills i take no matter how much jack i drink i just cant be content...maby its gone to far, but who am i to judge..my ear phones are blaring something so loud its hard to understand the words...i feel like a walstreet guy who has just fucked over about a billion dollars and has nothing to show for years of work and selling his soul...for what? i sold my soul a long time ago to something that ended as easily as it started..wish i could say that i didnt have a good time because that would make it easier to forget, but i would be lying of course i had a good time....i sat in the rain tonight and smoked all the cigarettes i had one after another......my emotions are completely drained...
ok im done goodnight. |
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charlie3's journal
drunk
lonely